my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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