You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
