we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
