I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
nutella sex= disaster
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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