a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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