remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
