this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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