Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
