You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
