Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
