So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize