sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize