Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
