woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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