Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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