Tell her she can't have a vagina
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
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