That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
