You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
