good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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