Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
