college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
