i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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