I should be sponsored by Trojan
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
