I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize