I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
