The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
