I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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