Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
and she was petting her beer can
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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