The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
