Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize