I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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