yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
