Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Randomize
