we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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