Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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