As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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