You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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