sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
