You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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