If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
