My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Randomize
