I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize