apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
