im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
