Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
