he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
