highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
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Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
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I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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