you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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