Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Who died my cat blue again?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
