All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
