3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
