so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
