just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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