Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
People in love make me want to vomit
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
