glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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