What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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