All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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