Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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