And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
