You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
