I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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