Need sex. Gaining weight.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
My breasts were aching with rage.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
