A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
