you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
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I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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