omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
