If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
