you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
