I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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