I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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