i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
