Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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