I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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