i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
