Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
