Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Randomize
