Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
These 21 People Came Up With Hilarious Excuses For Their Hickies
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.