thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
