im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?