omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up