Texts From Last Night

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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms

  (1-248): View more from Michigan

  Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way

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  (248): Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms (1-248): Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way http://tfl.nu/a42d
  Replies (7) Good night (1230) Bad night (656)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.

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  (301): He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex. http://tfl.nu/9ztc
  Replies (17) Good night (872) Bad night (2780)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.

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  (206): We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that. http://tfl.nu/vyji
  Replies (34) Good night (5431) Bad night (622)
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.

  (1-916): View more from California

  That's why you should quit smoking.

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  (916): It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here. (1-916): That's why you should quit smoking. http://tfl.nu/xt8p
  Replies (3) Good night (679) Bad night (2156)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  and my herpes radar will keep us safe

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  (843): and my herpes radar will keep us safe http://tfl.nu/p103
  Replies (25) Good night (3512) Bad night (775)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.

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  (509): she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age. http://tfl.nu/4icz
  Replies (31) Good night (800) Bad night (8657)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her

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  (815): it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her http://tfl.nu/ai8t
  Replies (13) Good night (1433) Bad night (5680)
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  (914): View more from New York

  Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life

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  (914): Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life http://tfl.nu/ivqd
  Replies (29) Good night (4915) Bad night (992)
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  drunk me is so punny.

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  (803): so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life. (843): drunk me is so punny. http://tfl.nu/qdzv
  Replies (19) Good night (8977) Bad night (1213)
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  (516): View more from New York

  shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.

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  (516): shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously. http://tfl.nu/hrom
  Replies (11) Good night (1270) Bad night (3330)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.

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  (248): Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed. http://tfl.nu/2aby
  Replies (13) Good night (4876) Bad night (1160)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.

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  (336): I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit. http://tfl.nu/udb7
  Replies (13) Good night (3861) Bad night (2556)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.

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  (973): So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on. http://tfl.nu/d9b8
  Replies (9) Good night (1478) Bad night (3945)
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  (254): View more from Texas

  I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.

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  (254): I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me. http://tfl.nu/dyjh
  Replies (8) Good night (3650) Bad night (1090)
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  (310): View more from California

  I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.

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  (310): I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies. http://tfl.nu/ehsm
  Replies (3) Good night (1325) Bad night (821)

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