Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(281): View more from Texas

I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent

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(281): I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent http://tfl.nu/311d

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.

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(412): Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet. http://tfl.nu/977n

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(609): View more from New Jersey

Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win

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(609): Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win http://tfl.nu/6ut9

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

you mean i was at the winter classic?

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(617): you mean i was at the winter classic? http://tfl.nu/ck5g

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(612): View more from Minnesota

a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.

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(612): a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest. http://tfl.nu/dtsn

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(503): View more from Oregon

Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.

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(503): Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress. http://tfl.nu/96cb

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(516): View more from New York

I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen

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(516): I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen http://tfl.nu/keq8

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(305): View more from Florida

Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.

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(305): Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright. http://tfl.nu/jxj8

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(910): View more from North Carolina

This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?

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(910): This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it? http://tfl.nu/41ta

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio

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(617): The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio http://tfl.nu/9d6t

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(865): View more from Tennessee

At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer

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(865): At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer http://tfl.nu/lzgu

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(512): View more from Texas

I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone

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(512): I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone http://tfl.nu/z79l

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.

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(920): We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette. http://tfl.nu/65r6

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(727): View more from Florida

No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.

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(727): No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember. http://tfl.nu/v8lz

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(615): View more from Tennessee

Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.

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(615): Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast. http://tfl.nu/ki2v

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