you mean i was at the winter classic?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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