if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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