I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
