I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
