Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
