you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
