I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
